Words As Weapons

Have you ever felt manipulated, controlled, or confused by someone in your life? If so, you're probably dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are known for having certain personality traits that are difficult to deal with such as an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for other people. However, it's their distinctive language that gives them away and should throw up a red flag, warning you that the person you're dealing with might be a narcissist. Narcissists are the masters of using words to control and confuse whoever they choose as their target. Almost all narcissists use the same specific phrases that reveal their mindset and give clues about their manipulative tendencies. 

"You know I didn't mean that."

When a narcissist says this, they are trying to downplay the impact of their hurtful words or actions. What they really mean is, "I want to avoid taking responsibility for what I said, so I'm going to make it seem like you are over-reacting."

"I never said that."

When confronted with their own lies or contradictions, narcissists will deny ever saying what you know they said. This is a classic gaslighting tactic to make you doubt your memory, your perception, and eventually your own sanity.

"Don't tell me what to do."

This phrase is a way for the narcissist to assert control and shut down any attempt at constructive feedback or guidance. They want to reinforce their superiority and dismiss your input.

"You don't trust me?"

By questioning your trust, the narcissist deflects from their own untrustworthy behavior. It's a way to guilt trip you into ignoring the red flags and to manipulate you into blind loyalty.

"You know I love you."

This phrase is often used to justify abusive or controlling behavior. The narcissist is trying to make you believe that their actions are out of love, or even to try to get you to excuse their behavior by making it seem less relevant.

"I thought you were different."

By saying this, the narcissist implies that you've disappointed them, making you feel inadequate and desperate to prove your worth and regain your unique and special place in their mind.

"What do you want from me?"

This is a tactic that the narcissist uses to make you feel unreasonable or demanding. The narcissist uses this phrase to express frustration and deflect from their own unwillingness to meet your needs or make amends.

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

At first glance, this phrase might seem like an apology, but it's not. This is actually meant to place the burden of emotion squarely onto the other person. It subtly implies that the problem isn't the narcissist's behavior, but the other person's reaction to it. This statement allows the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their actions while appearing to be conciliatory.

"You'll never find anyone who will love you like I do."

This statement is often used as a final attempt to control and manipulate someone who is trying to leave the relationship. The narcissist is implying that they are irreplaceable, and that the person will regret leaving them. It's a way of instilling doubt and fear, making the person question their decision and consider staying in the toxic situation.

"You're too sensitive."

This statement is meant to dismiss your feelings and invalidate your emotions. By making you doubt yourself, the narcissist maintains control over the situation and tries to manipulate you into thinking your reactions are exaggerated and wrong.

Here are 10 common phrases that narcissists use to try to manipulate:

It is important to understand that these phrases are not just words. They are tools that almost all narcissists use to control, confuse, and dominate other people. Knowing about these phrases and recognizing them when you hear them, will help you protect yourself from the influence they can have on you, on your mind, and on your emotions. Seeing these phrases as the red flags that they are, you will be better able to navigate your interactions with narcissists and maintain your own sense of reality and self-worth. Trust your instincts. If someone's response doesn't make sense to you or doesn't seem to align with the importance of the situation, there's a reason that it doesn't. The reason might be that the person you're talking to is a narcissist.

Remember, you are not alone, and your feelings and experiences are valid.  If you feel overwhelmed by a narcissistic person's toxic behavior, seek help from friends, family, a counselor, or a support group. If you are in danger or fear for your own safety, get law enforcement involved.  And if you can, leave the situation completely. If you feel like you can't leave, make sure that you do what you can to protect yourself. You deserve better. Remember that.

Books About This Topic

Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist

By Tom Keen

Gaslighting & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist Workbook

By Tom Keen

By Don Barlow

Browse more books...

Subscribe to our mailing list.

We'll notify you when new articles are added or new products are available.