Welcome to cybilized.net....... Feel free to explore, and please share this website. We appreciate your time here !

The Covert Narcissist

Have you ever heard of a COVERT narcissist? A better question would probably be: Did you know that there are different types of narcissists? Its true. There are. There's the grandiose narcissist, the malignant narcissist, and the communal narcissist, just to name a few. And then, there's the covert narcissist.

A covert narcissist displays characteristics of narcissism in a more subtle and less obvious way, compared to the more commonly recognized overt or grandiose narcissist. Covert narcissists don't really have the charisma or the same level of social skills as grandiose narcissists do, and they aren't as extroverted as the typical textbook narcissist is. They can actually seem like they're somewhat depressed or just bummed out about life overall. Actually, they're known for their victim mentality, and they can sometimes even seem kind of needy. Covert narcissists can sometimes appear to have anxiety, and they tend to get irritated easily. They sulk a lot, and some even frequently make comments about death, but in a nonchalant way. For example, when a covert narcissist is going through a rough time in life, they might say something like, "Oh trust me, God isn't going to do ME any favors and just take me out of this life... nooooo, He'll make sure that I live through every bit of it." During an argument with their partner, they might say, "Maybe if you're lucky, I'll get in a car wreck and die today. Then you won't have to deal with me anymore." When they do this, it's not because they're suffering from real depression. When the covert narcissist behaves like this, it's 100% manipulation. So, having all of these negative traits, the covert narcissist MIGHT be easily mistaken for someone who is suffering from depression, but they ALSO have all of the underlying traits that ALL narcissists have -- grandiosity, constantly needing validation from others, a sense of entitlement, and their never-ending game of manipulation. Having THOSE traits is what makes them a narcissist, even though it looks different in the way they present themselves to the world. The covert narcissist gives off a different vibe than the grandiose narcissist, but their primary motives are EXACTLY the same.

The covert narcissist can be plain and simple in appearance, while secretly harboring grandiose beliefs about their own superiority and entitlement. They believe that they are smarter than everybody else, more skilled than everybody else, more experienced than everybody else, and more capable than everybody else. They blame their failures in life on bad luck or on what other people have done to them, causing them to miss out on opportunities or screwing them out of this, or ruining that. The explanation might be, "My business would be doing really well by now, but my ex caused a bunch of problems that I had to deal with, and it messed everything up." Sometimes a covert narcissist will try to make other people think that their failures in life aren't failures at all, but are actually what they have purposely chosen. For example, when explaining why they have no place of their own to live, a covert narcissist might say something like, "I make plenty of money, but why spend a bunch of money on rent every month, when it's just me and my dog?"

Covert narcissists tend to be jealous of other people, and it comes out as passive-aggressive behavior. It's often subtle and indirect. They'll say things like, "It must be nice to have a family who helps you out like that. If I had help like that, I wouldn't have all these problems that I have," or "Whose ass did you have to kiss to get that raise?" When someone gets some kind of recognition or award, the covert narcissist WON'T congratulate the person for their achievement. Instead, they'll say something like, "They sure don't know the real you, do they? If they only knew what you're like at home." Covert narcissists never miss an opportunity to control, belittle, or exploit others for their own benefit.

selective focus photography of woman with green hood

One of the most prominent behaviors of a covert narcissist is always playing the victim. They are always trying to get sympathy and attention from other people, always making it seem like someone did them dirty, using the "poor innocent me, I'm so mistreated" act. They're always talking about how unfairly they've been treated by this person or that person, or their boss doesn't appreciate all the work they do. When they begin a new relationship, they tell their new partner that every person that they've ever been in a relationship with has cheated on them and then left the poor narcissist behind for no reason at all. They exaggerate their sufferings and try to present themselves as martyrs to create feelings of guilt or obligation in other people. They may also use self-insulting humor as a way to fish for compliments and reassurance from others about their worth or abilities..

In conversations, covert narcissists often dominate discussions with stories about themselves, about how much they know, about what they've done. They go on and on about their own problems and act completely uninterested in other people's hardships or experiences. They will subtly manipulate conversations to center around their own needs and desires, while deflecting attention away from other people or dismissing their viewpoints altogether. It's very common for a covert narcissist to not even hear you at all. They're so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they literally won't hear a word you just said to them. When you ask, "Did you hear what I just said?" their response is "Huh?"

Overall, covert narcissists can be challenging to identify because of their ability to blend in and appear selfless and empathetic. However, their manipulative behaviors are still just as damaging as those of the grandiose narcissist or any other type of narcissist. Just like all narcissists, covert narcissists prioritize their own needs and desires over others' well-being. It is important to recognize the not-so-obvious red flags when they are warning you that you might be dealing with a covert narcissist, so you can do what you need to do to protect yourself from being taken advantage of emotionally and psychologically because the truth is: you deserve better. Always remember that.

Recommended Books About

The Covert Narcissist

BUT THEY'RE SO NARCISSIST

By: Eleni Sagredos

On Amazon

$15.00 Paperback